A Hair Story
I braided my hair for Miami Carnival. I wanted a style that would be easy. I did not want to be washing, blow drying and curling my hair in all that Miami humidity. The only problem with braiding my hair is that people at my new job have never seen my hair braided. I knew they would have some comments, but I was ready for it. I vowed not to get annoyed, or insulted. I should have known better.
I have no idea why people feel the need to comment on my hair, but they do. I actually do know why, but I think that (some) white people sometimes need to keep their curiosity to themselves. I do not ask them about their hair and why it is blonder than last time and when they are going to be getting another touch up, perm, hair cut etc. First, because I do not fucken care and second because, it is none of my damn business. I was reading a short story in This is Not Chick Lit: Original Stories by America’s Best Women Writers by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
*side note*
Amazing book of short stories. If you like short stories then pick it up.
*end of side note*
In it the story the Nigerian protagonist describes (white) Americans as having a mixture of ignorance and arrogance. I find at times that (some) white people in Canada have this problem too. I told Polly this on the phone. I told Polly that (some) white people feel they have the right to know everything. It is that mixture of ignorance and arrogance, which (some) people of colour can find completely off putting. Not all people are comfortable sharing their life with strangers, or people who are not in their family. She said that now she felt bad and that she would never ask me another question about my hair again. I laughed. I told her that we are friends so her asking is not (really…I am kidding Pol) a problem. Basically, I resent being made to feel like zoological/anthropological experiment for people. Use google, read a book, or perhaps learn that you do not have the right to know or ask about every damn thing.
Anyhow, I walk in on Monday with my hair in single braids. I sit in my office (it is still fabulous by the way) and prepare myself for our early morning monday meeting with our boss. I walk in to her office and of course she starts in on my braids. How long did it take, how come they are so long, where do they start the extensions and on and on and on. I do not want to be rude, so I answer her questions politely, but succinctly. I really do not want to be having a conversation with her about my hair. Once I answer all her (rude and personal) questions I figure her curiosity is satiated, but I was so very wrong.
Next up is our big meeting with half our organization. I am sitting around the table when my boss walks in and sits across from me. There are about 30 people at the table. She looks at me and then says it.
She says “You know I was thinking about your hair…”
Let’s just stop there for a minute. Why the fuck was she thinking about my hair? It is not the fucken sphinx or pyramids. It really does not require that much deep thought. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…ok deep breath, but truthfully I am getting heated just typing this shit out.
Let’s continue…so she says “You know I was thinking about your hair and it reminds me of Bo Derek in the movie Ten.”
I am so shocked. Just shocked. I can not believe she would say that much less in front of most of our colleagues who are within earshot. I look at her dumbfounded.
I said, “Your first thoughts when you saw me with my hair braided was that I look like a white woman??”
“Uh, no, no…” she started.
I cut her off and calmly told her that “black women have been wearing their hair braided for centuries, much before a white woman decided to wear braids in a movie.”
Then I started writing in my agenda. I just do not get it. At all. Maybe she thought it was a compliment, but I have a black co-worker who told me a story about something she overheard that made me think it was definitely not out of character for my boss. Le sigh.
The more things change…
Miz JJ
Filed under: Black Hair, Black Issues, The Girls, Things That Annoy Me, Truth Telling, Work |
The hair comments are always a shock to the system right!?! I too think that they are just curious, but they need to think before they ask those dumb ass questions! Remember the story of the Venus Hottentot? All of these many years later and they (some) still look at us like some novelties in a curiosity shop or some shit! Aughhh! I’m not at my plantation today. Thank God! Have a great weekend!
That broad is an idiot. Bo Derek. SMH. I bet after that she went on and told another coworker that YOU have an ‘attitude’ today and she doesn’t get why you snapped at her ‘compliment.’ Grrrrrrr.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I do think a lot of the people asking those questions don’t really understand how personal and off-putting their inquiries can be. I’m thinking about making a information brochure to hand out to those people when they ask about my braids.
Despite the fact that black women have had braids…forever. Most white people only knew about them because of Bo Derek. Like with locks all alot of white people knew was Whoopi and Bob Marley.
Good for you for putting her in her place. She’ll think twice before making another comment such as that. Some people just don’t get it…
There’s a couple of black women in my office that wear wigs. You should hear the questions they get ask.
One white coworker told me “oh it’s so neat how yall can change your hair constantly”. Uh?!
Good for you for putting her in her place. She’ll think twice before making another comment such as that. Some people just don’t get it…
I hear ya. I had this white man who came to make a delivery at my job. He started talking to me like he knew me and we were cool. He said something like, Hey girlfriend. Then he asked was that a weave I was wearing. LOL. I bit back my words and signed the delivery papers. SMH.
Brava! Brava! So glad you didn’t just let that comment go.
“Not all people are comfortable sharing their life with strangers” Yeah….that’s me. And when I feel like they are being nosey for nosey’s sake…I make up sh*t.
Peace!
I like your response to your boss… ‘cept you should’ve kept looking at her until she backed down and cut the eye contact.
Not saying I don’t like Beckies…but they can be a huge bother and nosey as fuck.
Although, I am really quick to tell my Beckies that they need to get a color touch up because those roots have grown out too much.
Call it the ass in me…
that woman is sooo damn bright! bout she was thinking about your hair… how about she think about approving the expense report or something.
i’m soo glad you put her ass in check. i dont know why they feel they need to know every damn thing about people. doyou comment when their hair looks chaka chaka and stringy? or when it smells like a wet animal? jeez….
You did good Miz JJ! I hereby pass with honor……you’re Julia Sugarbaker badge!
Stereotypical heffas like this makes me sick!
I commend you for letting it be known that you didn’t appreciate the white woman comparison. You did it in a subtle way but it was appropriate given the setting and the circumstances. Unfortunately I dont think we’ll see this kind of attitude and behavior disappear in our lifetime…we have to continue to fight their ignorance and not seem like “angry black woman” while doing it…and that burns me up.
Good job Miz JJ!!!
that’s funny, at least she didn’t ask for a refferal.
“You know I was thinking about your hair and it reminds me of Bo Derek in the movie Ten.” - No way that was said to you luv. How unfortunate is that. All a sista could do is sigh.. Congrats on maintaining your composure. That had to be hard…
hahahhaha.. wow, i have passive aggressive tendencies, so i wouldn’t have outright said what you told your boss.. but i respect your gangster. lol
white people are very nosy and ignorant when it comes to black hair.. and really they are just curious because they are totally clueless.. it’s just that they overstep their boundaries when they don’t have a close personal relationship with you that warrants a pass for their ignorance.. otherwise, it’s just bothersome and asshole-like
but, i don’t think she meant it any way, when she said you reminded her of Bo Derek. You know you’re going to be known as the mean/touchy/emotional black girl from now on, right? lol
A day in the life.
You remained tactful. I’m glad you chcked her straightaway on the Bo-Derek-white-woman thing. The nerve. And I bet she is still thinking abou your hair. Did you get any request to finger it?
White folks…They try so hard not to offend, but always do in the end…: )
welcome to wordpress! dont know exactly how long u’ve been here (as i’ve been MIA) but nonetheless, welcome!
i hate that.. but i get questioned from blacks too.. the only question, i dont mind answering is “how long did it take” but the rest of the shit, they can keep!
i’m so glad you said that! white folk kill me. i’m also glad i don’t work with a bunch of them. i probably would strangle one of two of them.
Well Just damn. That’s a who the hell does that moment for real! I’m glad you gave a bit of the shameless truth. White folks…Sometimes they make me wanna holla and throw up both my hands! Just Damn.
Wow. I get the same thing here at work from time to time. But I always comback with a snappy remark that doesn’t come accross as snappy and they usually get the hint.
lmao @ “First, because I do not care and second because, it is none of my damn business.”
ig. nor. ant. one of my coworkers assumed i was the weave expert. all black people don’t know all about weave!! y’all are so stupid.
“Gather round staff! Ya know, I was thinking about Becky’s wrinkles. And they remind me of that show Alf. Remember Alf, Beck?”
ooh lawd don’t get me started on white folks and hair…I just would rather swim up stream all day than try to figure them and their fascination with OUR hair out.
one thing I have learned is to a large number of white people only interact with black people thru work. i learned this while working on a race relations documentary it was really enlightening. people stay in the racial lanes so to speak but then we are subjected to their madness when they are all full of questions when they come to work…
I have a weave that goes from straight to curly and different colors all the time…they have stopped asking. my answer is always the same. the best thing about being a black girl is changing my hair!!
Oh hell no she didn’t!!!!
See…..
Now I don’t mind satisfying your curiousity, but how DARE you make that kind of comment in such an inappropriate setting.
I’m mad for you, she needs a slap. She would have gotten one serious Trini cut-eye, it would have stopped her dead in her tracks.
The sad thing is she’s the boss, so she sets the example for everyone else. Just remember to count to 10
You handled it like a pro. I wore braids to my ultra conservative office once and when this one guy talked to me he’d stare at my hair line instead of my face kind of like a man does when he stares at a woman’s chest. I’d stand on my tiptoes just to get him to look at my face.
I am a braid wearer so you know I have had my share of too many questions. You handled yourself well.
ugh. I find even when you do break it down for a Becky how we don’t really like puttin our bizness in the street regarding hair or otherwise they always seem to come back with an , “I feel bad” statement that tries to make you feel bad for putting her in her place - nicely or otherwise. Why is it always about them?
OMG I’ve got tears in my eyes thanx to So…Wise! BWAHAHAHA